1. Eating sprouts cools you down.
2. If you sit on the front stoop at night someone might shoot at you.
3. Food cooked in a microwave cools-down faster than food cooked in a oven.
4. It takes two spoons to eat ice cream; one spoon to scoop-out the ice cream and another spoon to eat with. You cannot use the same spoon for both purposes.
5. Cannot go to bed before having ice cream.
6. Bed time is at ten PM sharp unless ice cream was still to be eaten.
7. Must turn off the dining room ceiling fan during dinner else your food will cool down too fast.
8. Must close all window curtains and blinds at night before someone outside looks in at you.
9. There is only one route to the casino; There is only one route to the bowling alley; There is only one route to the hospital. To drive a different way is against the rules.
10. The peach tree must be pruned only in December because that is when Hank pruned it.
11. The evergreen tree in the back yard needs to be cut down before it falls onto the house or into the neighbor's yard.
12. Hank would never be caught washing the dishes, cooking dinner, or cleaning the house!
13. Food was meant to be eaten with one's fingers, not with a fork.
14. Mayonnaise and jam were meant to be taste-tested directly from the jar and with one's fingers!
15. Vaseline Vapor-Rub cures everything.
16. The "man of the house" rules.
17. Women are incapable of replacing light bulbs; it's a man's job.
18. There is only one channel on the TV, Channel 13; unless it's a weekend then there is only Channel 6.
19. After watching "The Young and the Restless" one must watch the TV news at noon, then at 4:30 PM; then the 5 PM news, followed by the 6 o'clock news, finished with the 1o PM newscast and don't forget to reserve Saturday nights for 48 Hours.
20. The radio has only one station and don't dare miss Farmer Fred on the weekend.
21. Dinner was not complete without a glass of pink wine.
22. Dinner is not over until dessert is eaten.
23. Jam was meant to be eaten with a tablespoon directly from the jar.
24. The newspaper consisted of only the sports cover page.
25. Sugar, Sugar, Sugar.
26. Did you know that chop sticks can be used to hold-up your indoor potted plants?
27. Multi-tasking meant having on at the same time the kitchen radio, the living room television, sometimes along with the kitchen TV, while talking to whom ever will listen ... and cursed be the one that dared to turn any of them off!
28. "Thank you" and "please" are foreign words of which are translated into "gimmie".
29. Tomatoes should not be put in the refrigerator.
30. Turn out all of the inside lights when everyone leaves or they may start a fire and burn the house down.
31. A sneeze cycle must consist of seven to fourteen individual sneezes in-a-row and each with a perfectly enunciated "Ah-Choo."
32. Yawns are meant to be as loud and penetrating as a fog-horn so everyone within the neighborhood knows that you are tired.
33. For my last meal I want steak, not rabbit food (salad).
34. ... and most appropriate the last Nini-ism is: "It will be quiet enough when I die."
Doris Bernice Ryan
On November 18, 2012, died in her Carmichael home of 49 years. Born January 16, 1918, in Dodge, Iowa, Doris attended Oroville H.S. and met Henry 'Hank' Ryan from Gridley; married in 1938. Doris followed Hank's banking career throughout Northern California; 1963 moved to Carmichael. In retirement they pursued many years of travel with the Carmichael Traveling Elks. They enjoyed 67 years of marriage prior to Hank's death in 2006. Doris, known for her sense of humor, was an active parishioner at St John the Evangelist Catholic Church, and an avid bowler. Doris was preceded in death by her husband Hank and son Gary. Surviving are son Dennis Ryan of Reno, NV, and daughter Patty Tracey of Carmichael, as well as seven grandchildren. A Memorial mass will be celebrated Jan 21, 11:00 am at St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church, Carmichael. Memorial donations may be made to the American Heart Association.
Published in The Sacramento Bee on December 9, 2012
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never
die, this Scripture will be fulfilled: "Death is
swallowed up in victory."
(1 Cr 15:54)
