Stuffing

I got this thing about the word "thing".  It's something, anything and everything, or nothing, about this one thing called "thing".  You see, the word "thing" is really a un-word because it has no meaning / definition / description of its own.  Go ahead and look up the word "thing" in a dictionary - it's OK, I'll wait.  See what I mean?  The dictionary tries to define "thing" by listing other words that the word thing could refer to, but there is no specific description for the word thing. Maybe you can call it a "filler" word because it's used to fill-in, or replace, another word; but by itself it's an un-word.

What "gets me" is not specifically the word "thing" itself but how, or why, it's used by its author in oral or in written word.  Next time you listen, or read, to a presentation pay attention for the injection of the word "thing".   When used, it forces you, the audience, to mentally translate / decipher / determine what word, phrase, feeling or thought the author intended to portray but instead took the easy way out and injected the "thing" in place of real words or descriptions. To me, ones who elect to replace their real intentions with the word "thing" are lazy, illiterate, or are severely verbally-challenged (to be politically correct).  In the end, they do an injustice to their work and disrespect their audience because both are deprived of the opportunity for illustrative verbalization.

An ah-ha moment: For those of you that may remember, there is one instance when the word "thing" meant "thing"!  Think back to the 1970's when Honda released it's Thing:   

Another word that falls into this category of un-words is the word "stuff" when used as a noun.  Stuff, like thing, has no meaning of its own; it's used in place of real descriptive words.  Go ahead, look this up too.  As before, I'll wait.

Are you convinced yet?  It's interesting to note that when the words "stuff" and "thing" are combined, we get the resultant word "stuffing".  Not only interesting but perhaps even ironic, that joining these two non-descriptive words actually describes a substance that is typically indescribable.  Confused?  Think back again, this time to a Thanksgiving meal which included stuffing on the menu.  Everyone knows it's called "stuffing" but what contents are used to create that stuffing are usually just described to as "stuffing".  We really don't know what's in that stuffing!  Perhaps I should take my mother's advise and never eat if I don't know what it is I am about to eat!
 
Pay attention please, I am almost done.  I only have one more thing to say about this stuff!

OK.  What is this rambling really all about?  Well, I am known to preach that "words have meanings", or at least they should have meaning.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  If you use "thing" or "stuff" then not only does your audience not know what you really mean but you also let the audience determine what you mean which probably is not what you meant to mean.  Got it!  Well, enough of this!  If you don't like this thing I'm writing, then "stuff it"!  HA!



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Thank You

Thank you Jesus for the Cross:
For through Your Crucifixian I am justified before God.

Thank you Lord for your Death:
Because of Your Death I know that I too must experience physical death before receiving eternal life with You.

Thank you Christ for your Resurrection:
Without Your Resurrection, I could not look forward to my own personal resurrection.

Thank you God for your Grace:
For only through Your Grace do I gain eternal Salvation in Your presence.


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Memories

Two of the most favorite women in my life have recently expressed concern over my ability to recall past events or to properly interpret current ones.  Specifically, they think that I may be "losing it", mentally speaking that is.  Maybe I should reconsider who my favorite people are - (ha)!

 Both incidents in question can be easily explained by me for clarification but it quickly becomes a situation whereby the further I try to defend myself more credence is added to the initial accusations.  At this point, silence is golden!  However, my pride and ego tell me that I should protect my mental manhood for fear that my silence may be perceived as a guilty plea if left uncontested.  A dilemma for sure.  However, further thought exposes some very positive possibilities for me if I were to simply acquiesce and concede that I am suspect to touches of senility, backsliding, decrepitude, degeneracy, falling off, feeblement, mental lapse, skidding, waning, weakening or whatever term satisfies the situation.  This can be a lot of fun after all and may even save me from individuals that want to control some of my life. 

Follow me on this if you can!  Let's say my #1 favorite person makes plans for me that conflicts with my immediate priorities, like watching the pool water turn green; or if favorite person #2 asks me for some of my time that seriously imposes upon my meditation hour, aka, napping.  Well, now I have a perfect alibi for accomplishing neither request - I FORGOT!  Just think, I can now offer my newly acquired shortcoming to virtually get out of doing anything that I do not want to do and at the same time receive compassionate sympathy for my misgivings!  Wow, what a scam!  Why, I can't think of all the things that I can forget to remember - the list is eternal in its possibilities.  Forgetting can be a beautiful thing!  But, you may ask, what about doing those things that I want to do?  If I conveniently cannot remember those things that I do not want to do, how can I justify remembering to do those things that I want to do.  Have I not then doomed myself from doing what I want to do if I say that I did not remember for the others?  Oh, contraire mon frere!  Here is the beauty of my plan - I simply forgot to forget, hence, I remembered!  A perfect defense for any situation; it simply does not get any better than this! 

Now, going forward, my life will be a sequence of selected seductions scheduled to satisfy only my selfish salacious solicitudes, all thanks to the two most favorite women in my life.  Of course, my one challenge now is that I must not forget to remember that I forgot else remember unless I want to forget that I forgot. 

Got it? 

Polygamy

My wife and I went to the park just to enjoy the day and while we were there we met a pastor from my church.  When I went to introduce my wife to him, he asked: "

Is this your lovely wife?" 

"Yes," I replied;

"I left the ugly one at home!"



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SHEEBA XIBABA

In Memory...

September 22, 1993 - August 14, 2010

Naked Ladies

BEVY OF BLOSSOMING BEAUTIES

Retro Rants

Bobby Dylan standing in a remote corner with his askew hair aflame but shadowed by a brighter flame that warms;

The South says nothing yet speaks loudly rising only to let the smoke pass under;

Four feet of fur with eyes aglow see black and white brings in the breeze while walking through the grass;

Why did she move, it was a wasted movement;

Time is nothing, it's always after five;

Two people or three; one fooled the other that made four;

A multicolored fish lives off a string hung there by the head while a dozen eyes of the mind see nothing but look everywhere;

Out in space lies a coffee cup with saucer and spoon; out of place but better off than before even with the force trying to bring it down to reality;

Men have tried, so has Red; Red has crashed, men are high;

Groove on the sounds that escape from the disk and fill your lungs with the cloud of love.

Two hours and “WOW”, where will I be in four?
 
We are here yet you are not and I am gone!
 
The ocean roars across the Sahara like the notes that vibrate with one thought in mind – to turn you on while turning you off.
 

I hear you but I am not listening.

 
Open your eyes and you will see a lot, yet close your eyes while it’s hot and you’ll see more which you thought not was there before.

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Catastrophy

Have you ever noticed how some seem to think that they were created by God to be one of the Chosen Few?  You know who I am talking about!  I'm sure that you had the honor to be in their presence.  They are the ones that when they enter a room they expect to be noticed, given individual attention, pampered, and permitted to disrupt whatever was in progress and perch themselves wherever they want even if it means forcing others to move to another spot.  Their personalities run the entire gamut of emotions and attitudes and regardless of their current disposition others are expected to accommodate their desires while excusing them for their actions without question.  They are the gods that walk amongst us!  These special ones demand to be loved and adored at request and if ignored you should expect to be physically encountered or at least stared-down until acquiesced or until they decide to move onto other conquests. 

There are, however, some redeeming values to these anointed ones.  If you have adopted the Christian model to live your life, that is, if you try to serve others, to love others as you love yourself, to accept without prejudice, to feed the hungry and shelter the needy - if you live by these attributes then these privileged ones will be quick to take advantage of your graces, without any guilt or moral recourse, to give you a sense of worth!

Therefore, taking into consideration of all disclosed above, if one can be reincarnated after death then I truly wish to come back as one of these Chosen Few so I can enjoy the same immense privileges my wife bestows upon her cat!  Imagine, nine lives worth of unabashed preferential treatment - WOW!  I mean...MEEEEEOOOOOW!



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Father's Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b1iwLIMmRQ

Give thanks to our Supreme Father, God Almighty, for He will not fail nor forsake us

because

Our God is an AWESOME God!

A Defining Moment

What defines you?  That is, how do you perceive yourself to be or how you desire others to perceive you to be?  What is it that ultimately defines you as a person?  How do you complete the sentence..." I am ______!"  Are you defined by your gender; your marital status; your age?  How about your college degree or perhaps your career or job title?  Could it be your wealth or lack thereof?  Your health; your possessions?  What about the car you drive or maybe it's your accumulation of adult toys?  Let's not forget your house - you know, The American Dream!  Maybe you identify via your sexual preference, that certainly is quite popular these days!  Do you relate to your status as a parent or through your kids, grand kids or your great-grand kids.  Forget successes, maybe you define yourself through your failures or your self-imposed tribulations!


Let's rephrase the question or approach it from a different perspective.  What would it finally take to make you truly happy; to make you feel that once you obtain or achieve this "thing" that your life will be fulfilled?  Is it a promotion at work; reaching retirement; a college degree; a wedding band on your finger; children to carry-on your family name; winning the lottery or competing on American Idol or Dancing with the Stars?  How about a title before your name or some initials after it?  Perhaps a political position, a prestigious appointment or achieving celebrity status.  What is your top priority in life?  Where are you going and where do you want to end up?  What are you looking for?  How do you want your obituary to read?


So, what is it that truly defines you?  What is it that is keeping you from attaining the ultimate confirmation that "you have arrived?"  What would it take for you to be fully satisfied with what you have as God has provided for you?


Gal 2:20 I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.


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BOSS vs. LEADER

It has been said by many that there are only two types of people - leaders and followers.  I'm not sure if that was intended to be a definitive statement because based upon my observations these roles intermingle and we move freely between them as situations demand.  However, in our "professional roles" we usually find ourselves in semi-permanent positions where we work for someone and maybe have others working under our tutelage.  In other words, we all have superiors, peers, and maybe subordinates.  This relationship also exists outside the workplace and applies to most of our personal and family relationships.  This hierarchy helps define our pecking-order to maximize cultural cohesion and to minimize potential chaos.

Two terms are commonly used to describe those appointed, or maybe self-appointed, to be our guardians: Boss and Leader.  In my opinion the term "boss" has negative implications while "leader" exhibits positive vibes.  Perhaps it's because we don't always, if ever, pick our bosses but we can consciously and deliberately pick our leaders.

Boss can be defined as one who gives orders; a superior; one over others;

Leader can be defined as one who guides; a principal; one in front of others.

To reiterate, these characteristics apply to bosses, parents, friends, associates, and all other interpersonal relationships!

BOSS  vs. LEADER

Let's review some defining characteristics that clearly separate these two ideologies.  This is not a scientific study nor is it endorsed by any professional entity - it's just the opinion of one!

 Bosses                                        Leaders

Do As I Say                              Lead By Example  

    Gives Orders                            Seeks Advice / Input 

Closed Door Policy                    Open Door Policy   
Speaks                                     Listens                 

     Focuses on Faults                     Builds Upon Strengths  

Impediment                              Helper                  

Frowns                                    Smiles / Laughs     

Exclusive                                  Inclusive               

 Abuses "The System"                 Uses "The System"  

  Points the Finger                       Takes Responsibility 

Plays Favorites                          Promotes Equality  

      Egotistic                                    Gives Credit to Others 

Which ones describe you?

What are you doing about it?


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HEROES

In March 2010, my childhood hero, Davy Crockett, died.  OK, in reality it was Fess Parker, the actor that portrayed Davy Crockett back in the 1950's who actually passed, but for me it was the true life character, Davy Crockett, that held my childhood imagination.  The first episode of the Davy Crockett trilogy, “Davy Crockett: Indian Fighter,”  was aired in December, 1954. The last episode, “Davy Crockett at the Alamo,” was broadcast in February, 1955.  By then, as I approached my 7th Birthday, I was absolutely enamored with Davy Crockett.  As a bit of trivia, and as a treat for those that recall the televised Davy Crockett era, I present to you the “The Ballad of Davy Crockett,” just click here:
http://www.televisiontunes.com/Davy_Crockett.html  

Without a psychoanalysis of why I adopted the character Davy Crockett as my hero, I can surmise that it had a lot to do with the adventures of surviving in the wilderness; facing dire consequences in each episode; actualizing the survival of the fittest; confronting and commingling with Indian tribes; utilizing while protecting what nature provided for food and shelter; representing the lowly citizen to Congress; or perhaps it was Davy's final heroic act of defending to his death the sovereign territory of Texas at the "Battle of the Alamo."  Any or all of those may have had impact on me but deep inside I'm sure it was the coonskin hat that had much to do with my devoted attention and patronage.  As this picture on the right proves, back then I truly was a big fan of Davy Crockett.

When I sadly announced to others that my childhood hero had died, I expected some remorse or perhaps just a bit of sympathy, especially from my siblings who shared those memorable moments with me watching Davy Crockett on TV.  But no, no pity on me; instead the only response I received from anyone was basically to "get over it"  One even had the audacity to suggest that I "find a new hero"!  Very comforting words - NOT - but perhaps words of wisdom anyway.

Could it be that another Davy Crockett personified lives today?  Let's face it, Davy's shoes (moccasins to be precise) would be hard to fill in today's "civilized" world.  Be that as it may, there comes to mind one who truly emulates Davy Crockett's spirit, character, and life-long accomplishments (maybe passing on the opportunity to become a national martyr)!  I'm convinced that there are many special individuals that are revered by others to be modern day heroes but following in the shadow of Davy Crockett's character and lifestyle in some manner or accomplishment poses special attributes.  How many modern day people do you think truly could emulate the conditions and challenges bestowed upon Davy Crockett after surviving in the wilderness; facing dire consequences in each episode of one's life; actualizing the survival of the fittest; confronting native tribes; depending upon and preserving what nature provides for food and shelter; and representing the lowly citizen to various representations of government? Could it be that a Davy Crockett clone actually lives today amid advanced societies and computerized technologies?  Stay tuned - don't touch that dial.

A new episode of Davy Crockett captures an individual who, at a relatively young age, left the security and confinements of home for the"Wild West."  Searching for himself and for his true purpose in life traveled him far and wide only to realize that his calling was yet further away.  Finally, he finds himself at a far, far away, remote and barren piece of land at the end of the earth confronted with the most extreme weather conditions and the bleakest of living conditions and accommodations.  This was to be his home and for some weird twist of fate, he felt at home here too.  Over the next four decades and still counting, this man saved a tribe's Chief and his family from slowly perishing on a fruitless slab of land; relocated the tribe with its six remaining members; built them a "city on a hill" complete with fresh water, electricity, plumbing, homes and buildings, a school, paved roads, and protection from the harshest of environments. This village grew in population to its current population of approximately 250 in a self-sustained community.  Yes, as with Davy Crockett, there were bears to kill, fish and wild life to catch, storms to survive, births and deaths to contend with, and representation to the various government entities to pursue.  Throughout this period this one person has held virtually every civil service and government position at the village level, and continuing today he is the villages only resource for medical and fire & rescue needs. Oh yes, he married the Chief's daughter, bore three kids and has enough grand children to start his own tribe.

Now, some of you reading this by now know who this modern day Davy Crockett is, or at least you think that you know.  Just hold your thoughts for a moment because there is one more critical observation to be expressed.  History will eventually acknowledge the contributions that this one man has made upon a family, a tribe, a village, and perhaps an entire region of our great country.  But why I consider him a hero, over and above his lifelong accomplishments, is that he accomplished what the did from the position of that of a servant.  He came to serve as scripture calls us all here "...not to be served but to serve others...." (Mark 10:45). 

A humble person who lives and loves to help others is the reason why my new hero is my brother Bill. 

God bless you, Billy! 

Point Lay, Alaska, is home for Billy and his family.  To appreciate the remoteness of Pt. Lay and some of the unique challenges life presents there, click on the following links:

http://www.north-slope.org/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/colaptes/sets/72157623309940180

 

http://www.icealaska.com/

 

http://www.themilepost.com/

 

         

Irreconcilable Differences

Have you ever noticed that when big named celebrities get divorced, the media never discloses the real reason for their divorce.  We usually don't even get a glimpse of the juicy details of why these couples opted not to wait until death before they parted.  However, if a normal, everyday couple like John & Jane Doe file for divorce, we know all of the dirty details.  Think for a moment about all the reasons or excuses you've heard explaining someone's divorce. Lots of reasons come to mind I'm sure but they all probably fall into one of three categories: sex, money or power! Right?

However, when disclosing the reason for Mr & Mrs Elite's pending plans for untying the bonds of matrimony, the usual explanation given is that it's due to "Irreconcilable Differences."  Well, no kidding! Ain't that a eye-opener!  Hey, we the people deserve to know the real scoop!  We have rights, ya know!  We've invested a lot of our time following these celebratory couples across numerous red carpets and on various media outlets. We've watched them on TV, on the silver screen, on the Internet, invested mega bucks on rag magazines and lost hours of sleep while glued to late night talk shows just to get our "fix" on the lives of the rich and famous, so we deserve more than just the "Irreconcilable Differences" frap!  C'mon, where is the loyalty to your devoted fans?

I recall the first time that I was really disappointed with the "Irreconcilable Differences" mantra was way back in 1993 when "People Magazine" published the headline "Ending Five Years of Marriage, Burt Reynolds Announces He's Suing Loni Anderson for Divorce!"  What do you mean "who's Burt Reynolds and who's Loni Anderson?"  Back then, Burt Reynolds was THE LADIES MAN, a superstar; and Loni Anderson - well, one look at her assets said it all.  Both defined sex, success and stardom.  

OK, perhaps today one might compare a divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie similar on the Richter Scale to that of Burt & Loni's divorce. 

What?  Are there rumors that Brad and Angelina are filing for divorce too!  Oh wait, they aren't even married although they have been together in a relationship for over five years and have six children!  Well, welcome to today's new world of love and commitment!  But, if they are cutting their ties too (am I starting a rumor here);  if they do split-up then we will surely be informed from all the talking heads that the reason for their departure is due to "Irreconcilable Differences!"

Now, please correct me if I am wrong here but I do not recall the term "Irreconcilable Differences" mentioned in any wedding vows that I have ever heard.  Am I right?  I mean, at least within the traditional vows we hear the commitments to " live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony; to love, comfort, honor and keep, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto (him/her) as long as you both shall live?"  Where is the option to opt out if couples cannot reconcile their differences?  Perhaps, again, only in today's new world of love and commitment!

Hey, you guys out there, were talking about Loni Anderson and Angelina Jolie!  And you gals out there, what about Burt Reynolds or Brad Pitt?  Wow, are you  kidding me?  Those must be some major, heavy differences that cannot be reconciled.  So ask yourself, just what kind of differences would it take for you to divorce yourself from one of those heavy hitters? Good question and guess what - I have the answer!  Yes indeed, after decades of personal marital observations coupled with over six decades of life's experiences, I have solved the riddle of "what differences cannot be reconciled?"  Not only that, but I have also identified specifically where these "irreconcilable differences" originate and continue to thrive.  You see, within every household, no matter if one lives in a mighty mansion or in a common casa, there is one place - one room - where intimacy reigns. It's here where no secrets are kept; where (if you will) it all hangs out; where the truth is bared!  It's in this space where the most personal of differences between couples have to be reconciled, and if you guess that it's the bedroom then, sorry pervert, you're wrong (ha)!  Actually, it's the bathroom that ultimately determines our destiny to live as one, or not!

Yes indeed, within those bathroom (restroom, washroom, john, lavatory, powder room, water closet, loo, can, john, privy, etcetera ad nauseum), walls lie the secrets to what destroys otherwise successful marriages.  Interestingly enough, there have emerged three, and only three, specific items or events within those hallowed walls that are the nemesis to living happily ever after. Only three and I'm sure that you are now racking your brain to identify these roots of evil before they are revealed below.  Good luck with that!

Are you ready?  OK!

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCE #1

The first prospect that presents the potential to pulverize a perfectly pure, pleasurable, platonic (oops, not that), peaceful, personable partnership is - drum roll please - toothpaste!  Huh, did I say toothpaste?  Yep, and while there are many variable factors related to toothpaste such as paste, gel or powder;  brands (over 26 brands to choose from); fluoride or fluoride-free; colorings or flavor; striped or plain:, natural, organic or laced with chemicals; again etcetera ad nauseum, none of those are contributing factors.  The real culprit is none of the above but rather the focus is on how one squeezes the tube of toothpaste.  That's right, it's not the what but the how.  Everything else mentioned (or not) related to toothpaste can be regulated, resolved or remedied, but just try to change one's inherint (or inherited) methodology of squeezing a tube of toothpaste.  Let's face it, there are only two ways to do anything, the wrong way or my way (metaphorically speaking), and therein the battle between the sexes begins in the bathroom with the tube of toothpaste.  It is said that a picture is worth a gazillion words so let's look at this depiction below which soundly illustrates the underlying psychological prowess of how one puts the squeeze on! 

(This has to be true because I found it on the Internet)

Besides the implied social psychological implications there are also underlying political ramifications that need to be explored.  Starting from left to right above, we expose a moderate, a conservative, a liberal, and a sociopath (look that one up in your Funk & Wagnall's).  Serious stuff here and you thought toothpaste was just about oral hygiene - au contraire mon frere!  

A dead give-away that one's marital bliss might be a myth is where there is only one tube shared between the two and it looks like the one on the right; a clue that domestic violence or a divorce due to irreconcilable differences may soon follow!  Be at rest, though, because a simple reconciliation resides in using separate tubes of toothpaste - yes, a His & Hers - so as not to discourage individuality but to remove continually confronting conflicts in the most sacred of sacred sanctuaries! Perhaps we just saved a marriage or two here!

But there is more to this discovery of irreconcilable differences because remember that there are two other hidden impasses in the bathroom that must be made public (pun)!  

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCE #2

Number 2 is a clue for irreconcilable difference #2.  What comes immediately to mind when you associate #2 with the bathroom?  Need I spell it out for you? OK, good - you got it!  Now, what goes with #2 - no not #1 - it's toilet paper!  Yes, the second irreconcilable difference is toilet paper, or commonly referred to as "TP".  It's interesting to note that tooth paste can also be represented by the initials TP.  We'll see how long this coincidence holds up, but in the interim let's take a closer look at why toilet paper constitutes an irreconcilable difference.  We have no time to waste because it's been announced that Elin Nordegren wants a divorce from Tiger Woods due to - guess what - irreconcilable differences!  At least with this divorce we know what that irreconcilable difference is, don't we Tiger?

This basic, everyday commodity presents an irreconcilable obstacle greater that what tooth paste presents  Why?  Well, it's not because of the various selections of textures, strengths, feel, colors or designs because those can be resolved by the next trip to the grocery store or by opting to replace your TP with a Sears & Roebuck catalogue (ow)!.  Nope, the underlying conflict goes deeper than that because its roots are firmly entrenched with one's psyche.  You see, it's not the toilet paper, per se, but how it is displayed.  Remember, as with the toothpaste, there are only two ways to do anything, the wrong way or my way (again metaphorically speaking).  Toilet paper offers only two ways to put the TP on a dispenser, with the paper rolling over the front or under the back.  That's it, only two ways to hang yet many couples can't, or won't, agree on which way because to do so means that one has to concede to the other, and we can't have that in a marriage now can we - (ha)!    

OK, so you decide!  Look at the two pics and vote for which  is the correct and proper way to hang:  Which roll is easier to grasp a hold of the leading sheet?  Which roll shows the design from the front-side?  Which roll is more appealing and adds to the decor of the bathroom?  Which roll shows the tear-line without rolling the paper? Which one is more hygienic? What does common sense tell you?  There are many web sites that present this scenario and offer opinions to try to remedy this dilemma.  One particular web site  is:  http://www.squidoo.com/ToiletPaperRollOverOrUnder  Check it out and join the fray but I propose that the irreconcilable difference is not which way the roll is hung but the mindset behind the reason to pick one over the other.  You see, every time the roll is empty the decision has to be made again and the motivation to opt one way over the other says a lot about the psychological mindset behind that decision.  Try this on for size:  if one hangs the roll whichever way on a random basis, then that person's personality is probably classified as Laissez-faire, or perhaps just plain lazy.  If one opts to insist that it must hang over, then that person probably suffers from Impulsive / Compulsive Disorder of some magnitude.  One who purposely hangs the paper from the rear probably holds dear to liberal-values or is left brain dominant.  That's OK too!  The danger and the problem begins when one hangs the TP in a specific manner to purposely and aggressively piss-off (pun again) the other spouse.  A sure sign that the marriage may be headed to the toilet (another obvious pun)! 

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCE #3

Before O'Bama decides to impose a tax for Internet usage  perhaps we should delve into the third, final, and most important irreconcilable difference of them all.  I'm sure most of you are ahead of me on this one and if you're not, well then that speaks for itself (ha)! We started with toothpaste (TP), next with toilet paper (also TP), and so we must conclude with another TP of which I'll call Toilet Protocol just so I can associate the initials TP with all irreconcilable differences.  Actually, there is logic in the phrase Toilet Protocol, as I'm sure that you will agree because we are focusing on the toilet, specifically the toilet seat position controversy.  Yes, this argument has been brewing since Thomas P. Crapper improved this indoor plumbing convenience.  Speaking of Mr. Crapper, let's take a moment to talk about this good ole' chap by dispelling the myth of the origin of the word “crap”. 

It has often been claimed in popular culture that the offensive English word for human waste, crap originated with Thomas Crapper because of his association with lavatories. The most common form of this story is that American servicemen stationed in England during World War I saw his name on cisterns and used the name as army slang.  The word crap is actually of Middle English origin, and first appeared in the Oxford English Dictionary in 1846 under a reference to a crapping ken, or a privy, where ken means a house.  Its most likely etymological origin is a combination of two older words, the Dutch krappen, to pluck off, cut off, or separate; and the Old French crappe, or siftings or waste or rejected matter, from medieval Latin crappa, chaff.  As Thomas Crapper launched his company in 1861 and only gained fame much later, there is therefore no direct link between his name and the colloquialism, except one of coincidence.

OK, enough of that crap because we have a BIG problem here, not with the toilet itself, but with the toilet seat and the alternate positions it offers.  One could take a solid stance here and state that toilet seats have two positions, up or down, so get over it!  That may work in same sex marriages (only plus I know for same  sex couples) but not for traditional marriages.  Believe this or not, but I do know a gent that wanted to please his wife so instead of having to remember to put the toilet seat down after each use, he opted to always sit down when doing his business, no matter what the number was (#1 or #2 for you slow ones)!  It also helped prevent over-spray which we all know how terrible that problem is when if comes to clean-up time!  Now, that gentleman is truly a gentleman, or perhaps a wimp - you decide!  Regardless, no irreconcilable difference #3 for that couple.

OK, so we all recognize the problem but we all may underestimate the repercussions of our actions.  It isn't one sided either, and once again I must remind you there are only two ways to do anything, the wrong way or my way (metaphorically speaking for the last time).  Here's where I may stray from the typical testosterone-induced deduction, and strictly for cosmetic and eye-appeal reasons I vote for closing the seat.  Besides, I tend to drop things and, well, you can surmise the rest!

But friends and neighbors, there is a solution to even this age old problem.  Yes, and for those of us who love to window shop, or perhaps browse at a certain speciality store, and for us techies who love gadgets and mechanical toys, I present to you direct from Home Depot the toilet seat built by Harmony (appropriately named) that automatically closes!!  Yes indeed, and it is also advertised to be "flush activated, clean and hygienic, quiet slow-close action, and simple installation."  Life does not get any better than this and this could save a marriage too!  Wow, what time does Home Depot open - I can't wait!

In closing, and after solving the riddle of "what are the irreconcilable differences that cannot be reconciled", can we be serious for a moment?  As much fun as that was, please note that the only true irreconcilable difference is love, or lack thereof.  Love and a true commitment to honor one another as individuals created by God as we want to be loved and honored.  If within each marriage couples would remember the second greatest Commandment "to love your neighbor (spouse) as yourself", then any and all differences can be reconciled.  God Bless!

FORGIVEN

"It Is Finished"

John 19:30

Easter

I'm all in favor of changing the name of Easter Sunday to Resurrection Day!  Of course, we'll never get Congress to enact that change but that's OK, we do not need majority approval or public opinion to worship as we see fit.  Nothing inherently wrong with calling Easter as is except there is no direct intellectual connection to the story behind the day as named, at least not for me.  Christmas, for example, inherently implies Christ in the name whereas the word Easter, by itself, does not evoke images of a risen savior or expose the eternal implications for us behind Jesus' resurrection.  Additionally, the observance of Easter Sunday has been unduly influenced and corrupted by commercial enterprises and by those political and atheistic forces that want to remove God from every aspect of our lives, as in Christmas, thus the real meaning that engulfs Easter is lost among the heathens and somewhat diluted within the Christian Church.  That's why I'm all in favor of changing the name of Easter Sunday to Resurrection Day!  While we are at it, let's also drop the adjective "happy" as in Happy Easter and leave that for birthdays and the like.  Instead I propose "Glorious Resurrection Day" be adopted as the new mantra because only through Jesus's glorious resurrection are we promised our own resurrection to our eternal home with God.  The Apostle Paul beautifully describes this in 1 Corinthians 15:

"Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said...He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, as the Scriptures said...But the fact is that Christ has been raised from the dead. He has become the first of a great harvest of those who will be raised to life again...So you see, just as death came into the world through a man, Adam, now the resurrection from the dead has begun through another man, Christ...Everyone dies because all of us are related to Adam, the first man.  But all who are related to Christ, the other man, will be given new life...But there is an order to this resurrection: Christ was raised first; then when Christ comes back, all his people will be raised...After that the end will come, when He will turn the Kingdom over to God the Father, having put down all enemies of every kind...For Christ must reign until He humbles all his enemies beneath his feet...And the last enemy to be destroyed is DEATH."

Glorious Resurrection Day to you all!

Landlord

God is our landlord.  Everything we have, everything we use, everything we wear, eat and consume, belongs to God.  We are just renting the space and all our stuff from God while we are here on this world.  Psalm 24-1 says it all:

"The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him."  

We pay our rent by loving God and loving all others.  Our investment is worship and discipleship.  But because He is our landlord, anytime something breaks or perhaps is just not working as well as it should, He will fix it for us!  All we have to do is to call upon Him to take care of our problems and He will take care of them.  Of course, true to a typical landlord's prerogative (read the fine print in the contract), God controls the repair schedule and decides when and how our dilemmas get resolved.  But what is really great about our lease with this one landlord - once our current contract is over, He is going to move us to a mansion where God is now preparing a room for us!  John 14-2:

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.

BROTHERS

Mat 12:50: Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother...."

Thin Ice

Ok, so we can't walk on water but perhaps we can do the closest thing to that and walk on thin ice! 

That about sums up how many Christians live their faith in Christ, by walking on thin ice.  There are only two individuals that have been observed and recorded for walking on water: Christ Jesus, and for a step or two, the Apostle Peter.  Here is the context of that event:

Mat 14:24 Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves.
Mat 14:25 About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came to them, walking on the water.
Mat 14:26 When the disciples saw him, they screamed in terror, thinking he was a ghost.
Mat 14:27 But Jesus spoke to them at once. "It's all right," he said. "I am here! Don't be afraid."
Mat 14:28 Then Peter called to him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you by walking on water."
Mat 14:29 "All right, come," Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.
Mat 14:30 But when he looked around at the high waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted.
Mat 14:31 Instantly Jesus reached out his hand and grabbed him. "You don't have much faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?"
Mat 14:32 And when they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.
Mat 14:33 Then the disciples worshiped him. "You really are the Son of God!" they exclaimed.

Peter's short lived trust in Christ truly represents, in my opinion, how we also respond to Jesus' outstretched arms asking us to fear not and trust in Him to save us.  Our faith is strong as long as we are focused on Jesus but we are so very easily distraced by strong winds and heavy waves.

Much too often we rationalize that because we are not Jesus we cannot live a life emulating Him, but perhaps we can still approach His salvation by our works.  That is, although we can't walk on water we can do the closest thing to that and walk on thin ice!  Our rationalization is that ice is water and thin ice, versus solid thick ice, presents risks and options that we, not God, decide to follow to prove how much we are in control.  In other words, we can't walk on water but by walking on thin ice we can prove that we are following Jesus.

Thin ice represents the weaknesses of our faith.  When confronted with having to traverse across a span of thin ice, we judge the elements, the risks, the water's depth, the distance, our weight, a pace that would prevent us from putting too much weight in one place for any amount of time, and most of all we decide if the risks are worth the reward of reaching our destination.  Our destination is eternal salvation; the thin ice represents works (what we wrongly believe we must do to earn God's love); the risk is misjudging our works (sin), falling through the ice, drowning, thereby never reaching our destination.

What we need to do is to listen to what Jesus said to Peter. "It's all right" He said. "I am here! Don't be afraid."

Then, in faith, we should step onto the ice and walk to Jesus.  If we keep our focus on Him as we walk to our destination then the elements will fade away; the risks will not be a factor; the water will never be too deep or too cold; our pace will be in step with His; and He will carry our weight no matter how long it takes for us to realize that we have already reached our destination for our salvation is in Jesus and He is in us! 

Because, as the disciples finally exclaimed, Jesus really is the Son of God - REALLY!


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Cathy

February 25, 2010, marked the one-year anniversary of the passing of Catherine Ann (Pippig) Mills.  Cathy succumbed to small-cell cancer and left behind her husband Michael of  40 years.  It was Mike that, in my opinion, suffered the most not only during Cathy's struggles with the cancer but certainly also during this first year of her absence.  For those of you not familiar with Cathy and Mike, I encourage you to visit at a website Mike created in rememberance of Cathy. 

Just click on this hot link: http://cathy.mwmills.us/  

There are many memories and stories begging to be told about Cathy & Mike, and I'm sure that in due time they will be uncovered and presented in as many formats and occasions.  But for now, at this special moment, even years later, the story that still impresses me and continues to provide me with both comfort and confidence is about the strength of character and positive attitude that Cathy portrayed to the end of her time on this earth.

Imagine that you receive a phone call one day from a long-time friend that, due to life's circumstances, contact with over the decades was occasional at best.  Especially now since Patty & I moved back to California, and after several frustrating attempts to locate Cathy & Mike, a phone call from Cathy.  Wow, what a great surprise and how excited we were to hear from Cathy and Mike after all the time that had passed since we last spoke or visited with each other. 

Of course after a short opening discourse the usual question is posed by me to Cathy "... and how have you been?"

A strong, straight, unquivering, unemotional response from Cathy was "I have terminal cancer."

Whoa!  Did I hear that right?  My mind was numbed and silence prevailed.  What does one say to that?  "Sorry to hear that" certainly wasn't appropriate nor any other response that I might have considered at that moment.  Silence for sure but clarification and confirmation was certainly necessary so Cathy, again in a strong, straight, unquivering, unemotional manner, retold her life's story over the past few years fighting cancer.

Cathy & Mike called not only to let us know what was happening, but also to arrange for all of us to visit, perhaps for the last time with Cathy in the mix.  Plans were made, they were coming to visit, time would be spent together as friends, and somehow the subject of Cathy's future would be discussed.  That day came; we lunched and laughed; relived the past that we shared; spoke of our children and aging parents; and yes, Mike took us through a journey of medical miracles and mysteries and finally to the current situation where there were no recovery options left.  Time was all that they had left.

Time!  Precious time - a commodity that we all take for granted falsely assuming that there will always be more time to make up for lost or wasted time.  

But time is what Cathy and Mike shared with Patty and I.  Time that they could have spent otherwise but for a few precious hours the four of us shared time together - that is to say time that we "invested" together.  For that expression of love, Patty & I will always cherish this memory.

Throughout these few hours together, Cathy remained the pillar of positive attitude.  It is said that it's easier for the patient than it is for the onlookers, but I'm not sure if I would be able to pull that off as well as Cathy did.  Finally the time came for Cathy & Mike to leave, but there was this one question that I had to ask Cathy that was burning inside me and my opportunity to ask that question was diminishing fast.  You see, I could not let Cathy go without my knowing, and so, after a few lengthy and emotionally charged hugs and kisses; there standing by the car I finally asked her..."where do you find the strength that keeps you strong?"

Cathy's two word response was "My Faith". 

That is what I longed to hear, to know that she knew that death was not final and that she, as with the rest of us belivers in Christ Jesus, have faith in the forgiveness of our sins and can anticipate an eternity with our Creator.  With Christ, we all can approach our eventual end-times in a strong, straight, and unquivering manner with Cathy as one example for all of us to emulate. 

So now, as I reflect upon all of the above and consider how life continues to present itself moment by moment, I smile with a reflective heart and thank God for Him bringing Cathy & Mike into my life, even if for moments at a time.  But most of all, here today and going forward, I find myself stronger, straighter, and more unquivering in my faith - and I have Cathy to thank for showing me how it's done.


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Never Leave Home Without It

People don't always recognize my face, so whenever I go out, I carry my card....

Contrary to what you are probably thinking, I am not referencing a credit card as the old television commercial associated with the above statement referenced.  Instead I am talking about my Social Security card.  This card is much more important to you, and could do you more good, or harm, than any or all of your personal credit cards.

Credit cards can only serve you in four ways:
1. Let you obtain material stuff;
2. Get you a good, or bad, credit rating;
3. Get you in debt;
4. Allow you to get more credit cards.

However, the Social Security Account Number (SSAN) that is printed on your social security card is involved in almost every aspect of your life, including your financial relationships with your credit cards.  Therefore, you must protect your SSAN better than you protect your credit cards.

(Author's Disclaimer: Contrary to the implication above, it is recommended that one not carry your social security card with you in case of loss, but to secure the card in a safe location to help prevent Identity Theft)

Where this introducion leads is a frank discussion on the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) of 1966, with a special focus on one of its supplements - The Privacy Act of 1974.  The relevance of theser two Acts upon the day-to-day operations of the business and private sectors is phenominal.  At stake are volumes of data on virtually every person, business, organization, and activity under the governing powers of the United States Government. 

But, of what importance or implication is this collected data to me, your every-day average John or Jane Doe?  Who cares?  Should anyone be concerned?

The answer will be revealed while also stressing concern in the areas of privacy and protection of every citizen's personal interests. 

Did you know that the FOIA requires that the records of U.S. Government agencies be made public upon request?  The underlying premise that drives the availability of data and for the surging public interest is based upon the simple notion is that the general public purchased this data through their taxes THEREFORE any data held by the U.S. Government actually belongs to the public.  These data include all books, papers, computer data, maps, photographs, and all other forms of information media.  The Acts exempt, however, nine classes of information related to national security, trade secrets / proprietary data, iivestigations,and other confidental matters such as military intelligence.

As stated in the introduction to the FOIA website ..."The U.S. Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) is a law ensuring public access to U.S. government records. FOIA carries a presumption of disclosure; the burden is on the government - not the public - to substantiate why information may not be released. Upon written request, agencies of the United States government are required to disclose those records, unless they can be lawfully withheld from disclosure under one of nine specific exemptions in the FOIA. This right of access is ultimately enforceable in federal court.

While discussing the Freedom of Information Act of 1966 and the Privacy Act of 1974 it is important to keep their individual objectives in perspective:

1. Information is collected and saved by countless Federal agencies on EVERYONE in the USA;
2. Anyone subject to the above can request and obtain copies of the information collected;
3. One can request corrections made on erroneous information;
4. One should exercise his / her rights to review this information on themselves or on other subjects.

Uncle Sam collects data from a myriad of sources, far too many to realistically list here but below is a sampling of methods / transactions employed by Uncle to:
a. obtain data on an individuals or organizations;
b. provide the impetus to collect data on its citizens.

purchase an airline ticket  travel abroad  register for the draft  file income tax  employment  special backgorund investigation  marriage license  traffic violation  call 911  federal aid for college tuition  passport  military service  birth certificate  finger printed  criminal investigation  register automobile  drivers license  obtain insurance  pilot license  FCC license  purchase or register a fire arm  collect unemployment  file a police report  purchase a house  own a business  file for bankruptcy  register to vote  respond to census  win lottery  apply for a social security card  attend public school  obtain a professional license  green card

One should be in awe as to the tremndous amounts of data existing within the government entities, and even though there are laws and protocols directing the collection, application, and protection of this information, one must still occasionally question ...

"who's minding the store?"

Just how much control do individuals have over the jurisdiction regarding the information kept on them?  Well, a simple test is to ask yourself...

"How often has Uncle Sam requested my permission to acquire or release data pertaining to me?"

Outside of our responding to the Census Bureau every ten years or with the annual ritual of filing 1040 forms, our government is pretty much left to its own accord to obtain and to interpret your personal data.

Please note this emphasis:  Your SSAN is private / confidental information that sould not be freely requested or disclosed without legal justification from the requesting party.

DO NOT PROVIDE YOUR SSAN JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ASKS FOR IT!

By law, one of the options Uncle Sam has in acquiring or releasing information on you is to ask for your approval - yes, to get your permission!  Again, you may ask the obvious... "How often have you seen this happen?"

Federal agencies are required to provide individuals with any information in files related on them and to provide a means to amend any errors.  Any agency withholding information (with exceptions) may be sued to show cause explaining why requested information is not disclosed.

Now, some may be slightly confused understanding the differences between the Freedom of Information Act of 1966 and the Privacy Act of 1974.  Basically their differences are based upon the specificity of the data itself.  To simplify, the Privacy Act concerns specific, detailed information on individuals whereas the FOIA covers just about everyting else.  Remember three points:

1. The Privacy Act can only be used by the individual  to obtain information colected on that individual;

2. Under the Privacy Act one must be explicit in defining the the data requested;

3. All else, reference the Freedom of Information Act.

To obtain any information, simply(?) ask for it from the appropriate agency!  Under Title 5, United States Code Service, every Federal agency must ... "establish procedures whereby an individual can be notified n response to his request of any system of records named by the individual which contains a record pertaining to him...."  That's clear as mud, right?

If all goes well and you are satisfied with both the contents and with the access to your information from any particular agency, then all is well and done.  However, should a disparity exist with either, you have a right to initiate a "suit for cause"!  Yes, one can sue Uncle Sam!  The Privacy Act states ..."[the agency] ... is subject to civil suit for any damages which occur as a result of willful or intentional action which violates any individual's rights under this Act."

Two of these referenced rights are (1) access to the data, and (2) ability to amend erroneous data.

In closing, and certainly after learning that your government probably knows more about you than your own mother and probably better than you know about yourself in many aspects; and after learning how you can access your information, there remains just one objective - to encourage you to to exercise your rights under these two Acts. For example, regarding your Social Security benefits, are you willing to gamble on your future financial security by waiting until you retire before discovering what benefits Uncle Sam has, or has not, in store for you?  Why not "drop-a-line" to the Internal Revenue Service, say "hello" and introduce yourself, and ask to review the information they have on you ... and then continue on a regular basis to "keep in touch".

It's the next best thing to being there!!

http://www.state.gov/m/a/ips/

http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/foia.html

UGLY BUTTS

Everyone has something that gets them mad; something that “tees me off". Do you know what “gets my goat” every time – besides Obama winning the election? What gets me really riled are: Ugly Butts!

That’s right – Ugly Butts!

Now, for all you perverts, for all you deviates, and for you body-beautifuls – RELAX! I am not focusing on the buttocks – I’m talking about cigarette butts! 

OK, and for you smokers reading this, you can relax too! This is not about smoking; I’m not going to bash smokers, per se; nor am I going to preach on the merits of quitting that filthy habit – I am better than that (ha)!

 But, I am going to talk about littering – that is specifically the littering / discarding of smoking paraphernalia.

And as a disclaimer, the smokers that are reading this will also agree with me on this issue because you are responsible and considerate individuals who would not pollute. This I know!

But I am addressing the other 99.99 percent of the smoking population whom exhibit a totally alien notion regarding what constitutes “littering".

Most smokers litter to some extent, as I will present to you. But what is most revealing is that as many, perhaps even more, non-smokers do not consider the smokers’ littering habits as harmful, if not explicitly illegal. Specifically, I’m addressing smokers who discard the remnants of their smoking habit anywhere and everywhere except in a proper designated trash receptacle.

So what is my beef all about?

For illustration purposes, let’s visualize someone opening a brand new pack of cigarettes. Everything appears to be quite innocent and harmless with his process but there are a few steps or obstacles to overcome when opening a pack of cigarettes. For starters, there is the cellophane wrapper that must be removed. No biggie – just pull on the little colored tab and there you have it – instant access!
     
But wait! What is one to do with that piece of cellophane wrapper? There may not be a trash receptacle nearby and one certainly would not consider putting what is now designated as “trash” in ones pocket, so just let it go! It’s almost totally translucent so it will just disappear and besides, no one will notice. What harm will a small piece of cellophane matter do so just drop it to the ground?

Look, did you see it? It just disappeared just like magic! Oh well, what’s one little piece of cellophane to this great, big, wide world?

But wait, another obstacle to surmount while opening this cigarette pack. Why it’s a piece of aluminum-coated paper that also must be removed and discarded immediately. However, this piece of aluminum-coated paper presents more of a disposal problem than the clear cellophane paper because this paper is definitely visible and there is no way one can nonchalantly drop this paper to the ground with out being noticed. Why, others will know that one litters; they can point to and identify the evidence; it’s just not fair; there are laws against littering but one cannot be expected to put what is now designated as “trash” in ones pocket – right?

But wait! Perhaps if one crumbles this piece of aluminum-coated paper into a tiny, tight ball then it would be hard to be detected by those Green Peace police and then it would be OK to litter.

Look, did you see it? It just disappeared just like magic! Oh well, what’s one little piece of aluminum-coated paper to this great, big, wide world?

Finally we get to the main target of my focus – the much maligned cigarette! Great, and at this juncture the cigarette pack is open thus no additional opportunity to litter – right?  Wrong!
 
Let’s not overlook the need to light this thing. What good is a cigarette if one cannot smoke it?

Visualize again, this time lighting the cigarette with a paper match and now facing the decision of what to do with that spent match. Well certainly a match of any construction cannot be considered to be litter – right? Why, one could just let the match burn itself out of existence – OUCH! Hey, where did it go?

Look, did you see it? It disappeared just like magic! Oh well, what’s one little match stick to this great, big, wide world?

As promised earlier, I will not discuss the perils of smoking so I’ll also avoid the issues of second-hand smoke and the resultant air pollution

or the subject of where cigarette ash ends up, especially if one is down-wind from a smoker. I’ll keep my promise because I am better than that (ha)!

So now let’s jump to the main point  – Ugly Butts!

We have all noticed that those ugly butts are everywhere! When outdoors, observe where the cigarette butt goes when the smoke is done. The butt goes almost anywhere but in a proper receptacle. And IF an ashtray is used (perhaps a car ashtray), guess where the ashtray gets dumped when full of butts? You got it, usually on the roadside by a stop sign / traffic signal. You’ve seen those small piles of dead-butts by the curb; you know what I’m talking about!

Even at night-time there is visual evidence of butt-burrowing; when driving down a road you’ve all seen cigarettes flying out from car windows when a lit cigarette gets ejected. I must admit that they do put on an impressive light show with sparks flying in the wind; kind of like a fireworks display!

So now I challenge you. Next time you’re outside and you observe smokers reluctantly complying to State and Federal “No Smoking Indoors” laws, just watch where their cigarette butts are discarded.

Look, did you see it? It disappeared just like magic! Oh well, what’s one little cigarette butt to this great, big, wide world?

Besides, after awhile those cigarettes butts disappear out of sight, don’t they?  Out of sight, no problems!

 But hey, what’s the heck. What’s the beef? All of this is not really littering - right? Why it’s not even comparable to throwing-out soda or beer cans or bags of trash and garbage or things like that. Hey, everyone that smokes does it – don’t they?

Well, if you follow that logic; if you accept the notion that none of the above constitutes littering; if you think that there is no harm with the improper discarding of cellophane and paper wrappers or matches or cigarette butts….

If you really believe that none of the habits described above equate to littering and does no harm to this great, big, wide world – if you really believe that…

Then perhaps you do believe in magic! 

Presented to the Achievers Toastmasters Club circa 1994