Raising Kids 101

Whenever your kids get out of control, take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to raising His kids. After creating the heavens, the earth, the oceans, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve; and the first thing He said to them was "DON'T"!

To the animals He never said "Don't". He hurled no negatives at the elephants, but to the brightest of His creatures, to the one's created in His image, to the one's that get into Yale He said "Don't"!

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit" God spate.

Well that got Adam's curiosity up: "Forbidden Fruit - really - where is it!"

(Is this beginning to sound familiar? You may have never realized, until now, that the pattern of child bearing had been laid down in the Garden of Eden!)

"It's over there" God pointed, wondering why He hadn't stopped with Creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God returned to find His kids having an apple-break and man was He angry!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent bellowed.

"Uh-Huh" Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" retorted God.

"I don't know" Adam shrugged (at least he didn't say "No problem").

"All right then, get out of here, go forth, become fruitful, and multiply" God commanded.

As we parents have come to learn, God's command to Adam was not a blessing...but a curse! God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own (AHA!).

And so, Adam and Eve moved to the East-side of Eden, which was still the good part of town, and they had your typical suburban family, a couple of dim-witted boys. As typical with boys, one couldn't stand the other, and instead of leaving Eden and moving to Chicago, Cain had to slay Abel!

Thus the pattern of child-rearing was set for centuries to follow and the drama has never changed. But, there is redemption in this story for those of you whose offspring are not responding well to your wishes. If you have lovingly and persistently tried to give your children wisdom, and if they haven't absorbed your leadership, please do not be hard on yourself.

Find rest and comfort in knowing that if God had trouble rearing His children, what makes you think that it should be a piece of cake for you!

(Entertaining Speech: Achievers Toastmasters Club: 08/25/1993)